


Office Space

by GooberSupreme



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Character, and realize why i was being silly???, i wrote this to process some anxiety??, new job feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:21:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22095550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GooberSupreme/pseuds/GooberSupreme
Summary: Brian doesn’t have a place here, not yet. They think that maybe one day they could let themselves go a little bit: linger in the breakroom a little longer, not work through lunch, pick their eyes up from their screen every once in a while and talk to their coworkers. Swear, it feels like Brian hasn’t spoken 2 words to anybody outside a premeditated, professional AV team meeting since they started working at Polygon.
Relationships: Brian David Gilbert & Patrick Gill
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	Office Space

**Author's Note:**

> *slaps roof of fic* This baby can fit so much self projection in it!
> 
> I know that the real BDG doesn't use they/them pronouns, but I wrote it that way anyway ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_work coffee meeting coffee bathroom work_

Get in early, work, pause Hubstaff to get coffee, do _not_ talk to anyone in the breakroom, go to an AV meeting, pause hubstaff for a 5 minute coffee/bathroom break, work some more, keep your headphones in to avoid talking to anyone, skip lunch, work until 4, go home.

This has roughly been Brian’s schedule for the last week they’ve been at Polygon. No time to dilly dally. Keep your nose to the grindstone and _work_ . They’re not paying you to make friends, they’re not paying you to have fun. They’re paying you to make content. There will be time later to relax. For now, prove yourself. Your one of the youngest in the office after all. You don’t want them to think twice about hiring you, do you? You don’t want them to think you’re _childish_?

And so that’s the way it goes. Brian works. Brian works really fucking hard.

They pause their Hubstaff timer every time they so much as stop _thinking_ about work. Every coffee break is rushed and sped through with the single minded desire that they need to do this right. Getting hired at Polygon was such a blessing, it’d be a crime to waste it.

They’d been so close to not being able to make New York work. Laura and Jonah had managed to find jobs pretty quickly so they all wouldn’t be evicted immediately. Laura and Jonah had to pitch in a little bit to help Brian meet their portion of the rent. But there was no way they’d be able to make that work forever. They wouldn’t be able to drag Brian’s dead weight around forever and Brian was terrified. And embarrassed. This was everything they and Jonah had been working for, this could be the place where they finally hit it big. And God, Laura.

Laura had worked her ass off to get to where she is with her dance, and now she finally has the opportunities in New York that she never would have gotten in Baltimore. If they all had to leave because of Brian… well, let’s just say that Bri’s happy it never got to that point. They’re a Polygon now. Everything's fine. They’re fine.

Feeling overworked and lonely, but fine.

Well, the overworked part is their own fault. No one else in the office is quite as… obsessive as Brian is. Doesn’t speak unless spoken to (because they’re too _young_ ), doesn’t contribute their own ideas (because it’s not their _place_ ), doesn’t decorate their desk (because they haven’t _earned_ it yet). For God’s sake, Brian won’t even let their mug coaster stay on their desk overnight. At the end of the day when they go home, their desk looks clean, perfect, uninhabited.

_coffee work meeting coffee bathroom work work_ **_work WORK_ **

Brian doesn’t have a place here, not yet. They think that maybe one day they could let themselves go a little bit: linger in the breakroom a little longer, not work through lunch, pick their eyes up from their screen every once in a while and _talk_ to their coworkers. Swear, it feels like Brian hasn’t spoken 2 words to anybody outside a premeditated, professional AV team meeting since they started working at Polygon.

They could never be like Simone, flitting around the office at a whim and chatting up a storm. (I mean, she’s kind of their boss? She can do whatever she wants whenever she wants; she doesn’t need to take criticism from anyone but Tara.) Brian somehow talks even less than _Pat_ , which is honestly a goddamn accomplishment.

It seems like Pat took that whole “listen twice as much as you speak” saying to heart. He’s attentive in meetings, always giving his full focus to whoever is talking and usually responding with questions that drive the conversation to unexpected, unexplored depths. Even if he’s not always contributing his own original ideas, he is pushing others’ ideas to be their best. He’s incredible to work with.

Brian is in the middle of another one of their twice-daily speed coffee breaks when they run into Pat.

Like, _literally_ run into Pat. Brian is in such a rush to _get coffee, get back to their desk, turn on their Hubstaff, don’t talk to anyone_ that they don’t even process that there’s someone behind them until they’ve turned around face first into Pat. Brian jumps and makes a little strangled noise. The coffee they’re holding splashes over the sides of the mug to the floor, burning their fingers.

“Ow, fuck” Brian says placing the mug on the counter behind them and rinsing off their hand in the sink.

Pat’s eyes immediately fill with concern, “Oh shit, I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that. Is your hand okay?”

Brian lets the cool water run over their fingers, “Oh yeah, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. Startled me more than anything. And made me waste half a cup of coffee,” they give a small smile.

Pat still looks a little unconvinced as he stood there, seemingly not knowing what to do with himself, “Yeah, that’s not gonna make me feel any less bad about it,” he said laughing a little. He seems to snap himself out of whatever mental loop he was stuck in, realizing there’s still spilled coffee on the break room floor. He gathers together a couple paper towels and crouches down to sop it up, “Allegra always says I need to be louder when I walk into rooms, stop scaring people.”

“Ha! Maybe we’ll just have to put a bell on you to keep you from sneaking around, Pat Gill.”

Is Pat… blushing? What the hell? “Yeah well, I really am sorry about that, man.”

“You can make it up to me later, I’m sure” they say with a dramatic sigh. God, this is weird. Brian doesn’t feel like they can joke around with anyone in the office. Like they’re just too new and shiny to show that kind of unprofessionalism. But with Pat it’s just so… natural. Organic.

Pat pulls his phone out of his pocket and looks at the time, “Actually it’s around time for lunch. I was thinking about grabbing something from Subway. You can tag along if you want? I’ll buy you a sub to pay for my coffee-wasting crimes.”

“O-oh yeah sure! Sounds great,” Brian says surprising themself.

“Cool cool, just let me go turn off my Hubstaff then we can head out,” Pat gives Brian some finger guns and heads out the door in the direction of his desk.

Brian has to take a second to breath through their nose and try not to fucking panic. Lunch? With _Pat_? Brian might truly be off their rocker now.

_walk walk walk order food sit avoid eye contact_

The walk to get sandwiches had been relatively quiet. As easy as it had been to joke around with Pat, Brian found he was also someone they could just be quiet with. (Brian’s a fan honestly, not enough people like that exist in the world.)

“So… You have a Youtube channel?”

Brian pauses with their sub halfway to their mouth, “Oh, yeah! It’s kind of where I go to vent all my weird, late night, intrusive thoughts.” They immediately feel themself start to blush, _Nice one, Bri, scare him off with your weird bullshit right off the bat. Just stop talking._

Pat smiles at their bashfulness, “I watched a little when they were still looking at your resume. I like it. It’s very… you.”

Brian can feel questions bubbling up in their throat, takes a bite to avoid saying anything else they'll regret. The silence draws out between them.

They never used to be this quiet, still aren't when they're around the right people. Once you grab Brian's attention and show that you’re willing to listen, they just won’t shut the fuck up. _God, it's a wonder Jonah ever put up with me this long._

Bri hates to be a burden. Or feel like they’re wasting anyone’s time. They’ve had enough people tell them over the years that they’re _loud_ and _obtrusive_ and _too much_ and _can’t they just tone it down, hon?_ This had led to Brian deciding to not talk at all, show some restraint, save themself the embarrassment. Anxiety is like that sometimes, they guess.

But even then, that loud, boisterous part of themself never _really_ went away. They just get so _excited_ and they _love_ so much and they _feel_ so much that they have to let it out. Singing or dancing or writing or god, _anything_ to get it all out there. Sometimes that enthusiasm can’t help but seep out of their pores.

_Fuck it,_ they think, _just talk. He invited you to lunch for god’s sake._ “How so, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Huh?” Pat seemed to have drifted for a moment.

“What about my channel is ‘me’? What do you think the BDG brand is, Pat Gill?” Brian gives a smile, tries to ease themself.

“Oh! Well…” Pat pauses for a moment, takes a bite of his sub, seems to gather his thoughts, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but like, you seem very well put together, quiet on the outside, right?”

Brian nods, not really sure where this is going.

“But then it’s like this whole other crazy artist kid on the inside. I see it sometimes in meetings, you know. You don’t talk a whole lot, but when you do, it _counts_. I know you’ve got way more to share though, Brian. You should let it out.”

Brian chokes on their sandwich a bit, “Damn, you’re really just going to read me in the middle of this Subway, huh?”

“Sorry, I know that was kind of forward. I just- I’ve been there before and-” His eyebrows furrow, sets down his food.

Brian follows suit, puts down his food, hums a question.

“It sucks, Brian. It sucks to feel like you don’t have a place.”

Brian exhales. Yeah. _Yeah._

“And I know that Polygon isn’t the biggest place out there or anything, but I definitely felt out of place when I got hired. I know the feeling.”

Brian snorts, “Nah.”

“Oh my gosh, yeah, I had the _worst_ imposter syndrome when I started working at Polygon,” he laughs a little.

Those words hit Brian hard. _Imposter syndrome._ Hm. Maybe something to bring up with their therapist later.

Pat continues, “I mean, I’m pretty sure that _anyone_ working next to Griffin McElroy might feel a little dull, but the point still stands,” he smiles.

Brian smiles back, “Thanks, Pat Gill, you’re a good one.”

He leans is with that deadpan expression, light in his eyes, “Don’t wanna letcha put a cork in your muse.”

Brian hums equally as seriously, gives him a sharp nod, “Aye aye, Cap’n.”

  
 _Yeah,_ they think, _maybe this’ll be okay._

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on Twitter!! I wanna make friends!!! @GooberSupreme
> 
> (also I started to write more for this? If anyone wants a second chapter?? idk maybe it's better as a one shot lmk what y'all think)


End file.
